Saturday, December 27, 2008

The Season for Giving & Receiving

I've gotten many things over the years during this festive season. Likewise, I have also given many things to the people who I love in my life. This year was particularly interesting because I noticed that even with the upcoming (or ongoing) recession, people were not the least hesitant in their holiday spending. When I went to the mall it was the usual frenzy, no reduction in shopping gusto. People were still forking out those bills, still swiping their VISA & Mastercards like there was no impending danger. I felt like I should've been running around screaming "DANGER, DANGER, DOOM, DOOM, THE END IS FUCKING NIGH".
But of course, I didn't run around like a mad woman (that is the stuff for those revolutionaries). However, my whole observations got me thinking. In the giving & receiving of presents that are so characteristic of this culture (western culture, i.e American, U.K, Australia...or any other culture that has been infected with this strain of Materialism; materialisticitis, traumatic compulsive splurg~irifimentia), what price are we willing to pay when it comes to saying to the ones we care about, "I appreciate you, I love you"...? How do you justify spending $550 on Abercrombie & Fitch apparel for a 13 year-old? Where do you draw the line between compulsive spending & reasonable gift giving? I don't care if I seem cheap, but this year I spent only $165.63 on seven people in gifts they absolutely loved & truly appreciated. How much did you spend on your holiday shopping/gift giving?

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Where do I begin? Everything has Changed.

Hey everyone,

Instead of doing a very detailed entry, I got this Q&A from Coupe de Coeur and I filled out my own answers. I've been soooo lazy to do an actual post describing what's been going on with me this past couple months. It's been sooo crazy. Everything is so different now as a grad student....sheesh. The expectations are so much higher & I'm just plain sick about everything.

Anyway, my X-boy & I are back together. My post on the perfect love was about us. He's being such a sweet heart these days. But I just can't get over the voices screaming 'doom, doom, doom ahead' in my mind about the fate of our relationship. I think I have way too many wants, needs, & demands for his simplistic nature to comprehend. Sometimes I feel like he just doesn't get it. Like when I say, 'call me often', he'll do that for a few days & then fizzle out. He says he loves me dearly but I feel that in terms of where I want us to be he's just emotionally unavailable, like Funms summarised here.

Anyway, other than relationship woes & school stress, everything else is generally fine. I'm excited for christmas & no, I haven't started shopping yet (arrrgggh...). I've been so busy with papers & projects that going to the mall just seemed trivial compared to the grander scheme of things.

Ok, so lemme get to work quickly so I can get this paper done!


Q&A time:

where is your cell phone?
In the pocket of my coat

where is your significant other? in New Yawk...

your hair color?
Black but i'm growing out a caramel dye job

your mother? Cross-River, Nigeria

your father? 
Akwa-Ibom, Nigeria

your favorite thing? umm...Reading

your dream last night? It was a nightmare about me fighting off a dog/wolf that was trying to attack me.

your dream/goal? be a successful consultant with an NGO, to continue growing

the room you're in?
university library study area

your hobby? reading, watching movies. I'm going to take up swimming soon & maybe sewing/knitting as well.

your fear? ice, height, water, & being sad in the future.

where do you want to be in 6 years? by God's grace, working a good job I enjoy, married with at least 1 child, own a house & living somewhere in the Mediterranean

where were you last night?
at home

what you're not? snobbish, confrontational, I love peace at any cost. I don't always like this about me.

one of your wish list items? an 8" laptop for those days I need to carry around something lighter.

where you grew up? Abuja, Nigeria; (I'd like to say Abidjan, Cote D'Ivoire - I love West African French) I was just in Port Dover, Ontario Canada; a few days ago

the last thing you did?
drink coffee

what are you wearing? Blue Jeans, black tank top & a purple sweater.

your tv? in my room

your pet? I had a dog. He was a Labrador & the most adorable thing on the planet.

your computer? in my room

your mood? stressed out. why am I doing this survey when I could be working on that paper?!

missing someone? my boyfriend. I wish we could chill

your car? I don't have one. So I guess its at the car dealership

something you're not wearing? my bangles

favorite store? hmm... that's a hard one. I would have to say Lush, M.A.C, RW & Co, and bebe.

your summer? I travelled to Nigeria.

love someone? my boyfriend, my family.

your favorite color? red

when is the last time you laughed? last night

last time you cried? can't remember. I thought about this a few days ago, but I didn't ask myself the question out loud so I don't jinx anything & end up in tears.

are you a b*tch? rarely, but I hate stupidity & redundancy. So yes, when I get PMS it's not a happy world after all.

favorite past time? eating, watching TV online.

are you a hater or a lover? I can be both. I'm learning to love more now

are you genuine or fake? Both. It depends on if the occasion calls me to perform. I'm fake when I don't have time to be genuine. Being genuine all the time is sooo much work.

any vices? obsessing about my hair. I'm newly natural so it's hard not to obsess. Tho, now i'm slowly becoming a minimalist. Less is more!!!

pro life or wire hanger? pro-life

mccain or obama? Obama. What did you expect?

pro plastic or natural? Natural.

dream job? Anything that gives me Power! Power!! & more Power!!! I am a Megalomaniac.

If you haven't been tagged, consider yourself tagged!!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Frig! it's december already...

Ok, pardon me but where is 2008 running to? I mean seriously...the year is almost over?!!

This was my harsh realization today, but I'll come back & do a real update. I promise.

Anya xoxo

I just updated y'all.

In other news, check out this delicious XY Chromosome. That pubic hair adds an extra tinch of sexiness to his fine self. And yes, I said pubic hair. I like what I like. ;)

Monday, November 10, 2008

The Perfect Love

Nothing is perfect {except God}
But I wanted us to be perfect.

Last night, he said "Anya, I love you".

I've waited so long to hear those words.

But now that he has said them I am in tears.

Tears of relief and tears of confusion.

What does this mean for us, how long has he known that he loved me? why didn't he say it earlier?

I told him I loved him ages ago....I always knew it. Telling him made me vulnerable. So I always felt like I got the short end of the stick in our relationship. Now, we are both vulnerable. Where do we go from here?

He thinks I need someone better than him. Why does everyone keep saying that?! Can't I freely choose to love whomever I want? What exactly is wrong with him (or his past) that makes him think we can't be perfect? I have the right to love him...

I know we've had a dramatic history and so many things have been said (or left unsaid). But the future can be better. We can create something perfect.

I am both dazed and confused. I want to believe in this power of love (...young love while our spirits thrive), but I don't want to regret my decision 5-10 years from now, heck - in 20 years I want to still believe in this same power of love (...young love while our spirits are thriving).

He says that he wants me to be happy however I can. I say in my mind "I want to be happy with you".

But no matter how much I plead, there is no answer in my mind's eye. I've asked God several times for direction, for intervention, for anything. I need a sign. So far, nothing spectacular has crossed my mind's eye. I'm still waiting...

I want us to be perfect (whether we remain together or not...)



Friday, October 17, 2008

The only thing I remember from Anthropology 101

We studied all kinds of things those days during my undergrad when I took one Anthroplogy course. We were eager to learn about the world, societies, tribes, and civilizations but this was the one thing which stuck in my mind. I even still remember the exact quote and the authors of our textbook.

" the oversexed wife, the oversexed adolescent boy is regarded as a witch and condemned of robbing his age-mates of their semen supply" - M. Harris & O. Johnson

Have a good weekend everyone!


Monday, October 6, 2008

Opinions: Pro-Woman, Anti-Palin

I never thought I'd be sharing so many thoughts in one week, talk more of 2 posts in one day but I want you blogvillians to see this anti-Palin protest in Alaska.

I'm usually not one to put forth my personal views & opinions on highly politicised issues like presidential elections but this case was simply too intriguing to ignore. Why would the citizens of her own State, so graciously reject her? And in public too. Shame, what a shame.

On a lighter note, have you heard Chrisette Michele's song "Golden"? It's the absolute truth. I love it. I've decided that this tune has to be the theme of my engagement, wedding reception or whatever other romantic shenanigans I get myself into.

Her voice is pure caramel ~*


Darkness, Blood & Oil...Oh MY!!!

Check out this BBC report, 'Blood oil' dripping from Nigeria.

The situation is very bad (is that an understatement? Yes). The problem is extensive. I knew it was bad, but not this bad (talk about darkness at the end of the tunnel).

I'm partly hopeless at this point. Any thoughts?


Friday, October 3, 2008

Machiavelli (the prince): Favourite Excerpts

I found these excerpts which I copied into my Journal about 2 years ago when I re-read the Prince as an adult.
I want to share this with you. I won't write any introduction for these quotations because they are all random citings since scooped them up from different sections of the book. It is intriguing because centuries later, these quotes still have meaning and relevance in my 2008. Enjoy!


"The fact is that a man (woman)* who wants to act virtuously in every way necessarily comes to grief among so many who are not virtuous".

"You hurt yourself only when you give away what is your own. There is nothing so self-defeating as generosity: in the act of practicing it, you lose the ability to do so, and you become either poor and despised or, seeking to escape poverty, rapacious and hatred; and generosity results in your being both."

"...but because men (women)* are wretched creatures who would not keep their word to you, you need not keep your word to them. And no prince (princess)* ever lacked good excuses to colour his bad faith."

"But one must know how to colour one's actions and to be a great liar and deceiver. Men (Women)8 are so simple, and so much creatures of Circumstance, that the deceiver will always find someone ready to be deceived."

"...he (she)* should not deviate from what is good, if that is possible, but he (she)* should know how to do evil, if that is necessary."

"Everyone sees what you appear to be, few experience what you really are."

Qualities a Prince (Princess)* should possess:
a man (woman)* of good faith,
a man (woman)* of integrity
a kind man (woman)*
a religious man (woman)*

*: the androcentric writing of 13th century literature make it necessary to include a feminine slant in his writing because there was some very serious stuff in this book about how it is often necessary for men to beat their wives, e.t.c, but I won't go into that right here.

If you've read the Prince what were your ideas on Machiavelli's prescriptions? If you haven't what do you think about these excerpts?

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Define those Eyes!

The aim in this photo is to get Iman's eyes using a M.A.C brow finisher, a brown palette eyeshadow, liquid and kohl eyeliner, & lots of Bronzer. She looks radiant!

Beyonce's eyes are so glamourous in this photo but she pairs them with a very subtle pink lip. This look will require lots of under-eye concealer and an intense smoky-eye with only black shadows, liquid eye-liner, and a kohl-liner for my lower lids. I'm uber excited for this weekend. It's going to be glam, glam, glam!!!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

What was I waiting for?

I know. I know. I've neglected blogging for weeks now, er..months. I've been busy, busy, busy. Life is hard work. I know, I really have no excuses to give. But let's just say, I've been gone for a while - dealing with the crap that must be dealt with. Anyway, I'm back now and I still got love for y'all.

Although i've been gone, I've still been perusing through other blogs since my hiatus/partial comeback. It's sooo much easier just having to read rather that write, then edit, then rewrite, and edit some more.

A lot of you asked wondering if everything was alright with me. Thanks for your concern. And no, everything is not alright. I'm changing. I'm morphing into an adult y'all. It's sickening. I am watching fleeting youth. Ah...but not entirely. I have changed quite a bit since returning from Nigeria. I see the world through clearer eyes. My worldview is now more compassionate with reality. I am learning to appreciate it with my heart.

In other aspects of my life, I'm back in school getting yet another degree (...keep piling 'em on). I'm currently not seriously dating anyone. Except there was this guy, Mr. R. He was really nice and admirable. But for some reason I have become repulsed by him. I can't explain it. And then there was Mr. A, who is trying to foster a relationship but I just want a fling because I know who knd who he has shagged. Then there's X-boy who is still kinda in the picture, but not quite (if that makes any sense). Generally, this relationship aspect of my life now is lacking lustre. When things have more meaning, I'll relay it to you.

But until that time, I may not blog too much till I actually have something tangible to share. I've missed reading through all your posts and commenting too but I promise to get back on that as soon as this few weeks of school drama dissipates.

Until then,

ta ta xox

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Anya Hiatus

I've been blogging for a few months now, but before I blog some more I want to really thank anyone who has ever read my entries. I get a warm fuzzy feeling when I plaster something over the net and I get so much positive reinforcement about my writing, my skills and a talent I thought I lost.

However, in the next few weeks I may be among the international development students  approved to head out to Cochambamba and Riberalta, Bolivia for a political development project to work in close collaboration with coca farmers and the current government of Evo Morales. Bolivia's coca farmers are caught in a dilemma of the licit and illicit use and growth of coca cultivation.

For anyone unfamiliar with all of this, coca is the raw material for cocaine but is prized by many Bolivians (especially among those of Amero-Indian descent) for its traditional uses in medicines and herbal teas. Long before coca was used to make cocaine, the indigenous people of the Andean region, the Aymara and Quechua, chewed coca leaves as a dietary supplement, a means to ease pangs of hunger and thirst and an antidote for altitude sickness.

So unless you want to know the exciting details of this potential trip to Bolivia, I'll spare you the politics of coca farming. Although, for an exciting fact I hear that home-grown fresh coca (cocaine) is pretty f**king amazing, so i'll let you know how my 1st taste feels!**I wish, I wish**

In other news though, if I am chosen for Bolivia I plan to head home to Nigeria after! yes yes - it's been almost 6 years since I've been back, so I gotta say it's about damn time I paid them a visit. The only downside is that unless i'm insane I won't be blogging from a cybercafe, so this means an even more limited amount of blog entries from me. But I hope from time to time, I can find time to update this space on what's really happening with me.

Until later Blogville, ta ta xoxo

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Excerpts from Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

{Background Info to this excerpt: He calls her Groceries and he is Richard from Texas, whom she met at the Ashram in India}


“But I really loved him.”

“Big deal. So you fell in love with someone. Don’t you see what happened? This guy touched a place in your heart deeper than you thought you were capable of reaching, I mean you got zapped, kiddo. But that love you felt, that’s just the beginning. You just got a taste of love. That’s just limited little rinky-dink mortal love. Wait till you see how much more deeply you can love than that. Heck, Groceries – you have the capacity to someday love the whole world. It’s your destiny. Don’t laugh.”

“I’m not laughing.” I was actually crying. “And please don’t laugh at me now, but I think the reason it’s so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate.”

“He probably was. Your problem is you don’t understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can’t let this one go. It’s over, Groceries. David’s purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it.”

“….You’re like a dog at the dump, baby – you’re lickin’ at an empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you’re not careful, that can’s gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it.”

“If you clear out all that space in your mind that you’re using right now to obsess about this guy, you’ll have a vacuum there, an open spot – a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with that doorway? It will rush in – God will rush in – and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go.”

[Excerpts from Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert]


This section of the book pretty much sums up the way I am feeling now that I am technically back with X-boy. It's not exhilirating being back with him but it feels good. Lemme find the words - umm....comfortably familiar, warm, reminiscent of a former ideal. I'm really not sure what will happen tomorrow, or the day after but I am enjoying every minute of it now.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Blossom Me, Spring!

I know I've been MIA around blogville for some time now. I decided to take a break from virtual reality to face my tangible reality. A lot has happened since my last post, but I'll make an entry about that later. Meanwhile, I've been doing spring cleaning around my house since last week and it's been so tiring but I'm almost done. I just unearthed a few notes I made while I was reading Mitch Albom's Tuesdays with Morrie a few years ago. And I would love to share them with you. Here are a few excerpts from the book which touched my spirit and are still applicable to my heart:

Maybe Death is the great equalizer. "The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, & to let it come in". Levine: "Love is the only rational act".

"I give myself a good cry if I need it. But then I concentrate on all the good things still in my life".

"Not everyone is so lucky" - this apparently is the "coldest realization".

On the issue of preparing to die, Albom remarks: "...the culture doesn't encourage you to think about such things until you're about to die. We're so wrapped up with egotistical things; career, family, having enough money, meeting the mortgage, getting a new car, fixing the radiator when it breaks - we're involved in trillions of little acts just to keep going. So we don't get into the habit of standing back and looking at our lives and saying, Is this all? Is this all I want? Is something missing?"

"Everyone knows that they're going to die but nobody believes it, if we did, we would do things differently."

"Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live"

"...if you accept that you can die at any time - then you might not be as ambitious as you are".

"The fact is, there is no foundation, no secure ground, upon which people may stand today if it isn't the family".

Auden: "Love each other or Perish"

On 'detaching myself from the experience' - "don't cling to things, cause everything is impermanent".

"But detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let the experience penetrate you fully. That's how you're able to leave it".

"You're afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails"

"Devote yourself to loving others, devoted yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning".

This was a smokescreen - "my greed inconsequential compared to theirs" (other people).


What will you be reading this Spring? I plan to finish Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love by next week and then finally finish The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. Those are wonderful books you can get cozy with on these rainy spring nights!

xo Anya

Friday, April 11, 2008

Teardrops like Raindrops

I wrote this in June 2005 when I was still wild and weary about X-boy. These days I am just weary. 

When I'm mad, it's usually something about blaming you. Somehow you're the reason I haven't smiled in a while. If I've had a bad day, and it got me down. I come home & shut myself in. I try to open up to you but my Self won't let me. I'm stuck in my ways.

When I'm mad, I want to take off all my clothes, sit on the floor and weep. I want to wallow in self-pity just for a little while. I want to scream but I stifle any sounds but tiny whimpers still escape when I sob. I want to remind myself that I am friggin' gorgeous. Anya is more than that. She doesn't need you to be anything for her. She is enough for herself.

But I am not enough.

Fast-forward to December 2007:

I envision a time when I was happier. I envision, I don't remember it. Sometimes, I want you to act a certain way, be a certain way, fulfill my desires. Call me more often, like at midnight to tell me "baby, i was just thinking about you, I miss you"; even if you saw me barely 20mins ago. But you don't. I want it go to back to the time when I didn't care so much about you. When you were only a fleeting thought. But now, you have become something more. I wish I didn't worry so much about you or us or when or how things will turn out. I wish I was just living my life without these after-thoughts. I don't know why I'm doing this to myself. You're hurting me but I can't get away.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Go with the Flow

I am not a fish. But somehow I still find myself swimming along with the tide {wait a min, do fish swim with the current or against it? beats me...anyway, that is not the point}.

Deep down in the essence of my Self, I am an anarchist. I aspire to the likes of Emma Goldman and Ken Saro-Wiwa. I am in a race against the corporate machine. I cry for freedom! Justice! Equality! I dare for societal reform, a drastic transformation - hmm, I like the sound of revolution...

But am I a farce? For indeed I am a conformist. I want to be well liked so I try not to disrupt the system (too much). I dance to the beat of their drums and then I smile and wave {do it now; smile and wave}. If you ask me why I conform, I will lie to you. I'll tell you this is the only way I can get know, beat them at their own game. You have to get in and then work your way through from the inside.

I'll rock my Abercrombie and Fitch outfits with my Fendi sunglasses and I still campaign against the installation of sweatshops at the Maquiladoras in Mexico. I want to be eco-conscious, yet I detest the new Going Green campaigns because I think they are are hoax. Global warming is for kids, let's win this war in Iraq! Why isn't the U.S bombing Mugabe out of office in Zimbabwe? Why aren't they chucking out Kim Jung Il from North Korea?

But the truth is that I am scared. I am scared of violent death, I fear poverty, hunger and starvation. I fear that I may not satisy my high tastes, my luxuries, those comforts. That I may succumb to an impoverished lifestyle. Maybe I am just too spoiled to face reality. I cannot tell.

Recently, I've gotten this constant reaffirment in my spirit that I can do anything. {Literally, a voice in my mind whispers: Anya, you can do it. Go for it. Don't stop. You can accomplish anything. Don't be frightened. Don't be intimidated. You must take it}. But I am so scared. What if I don't get it? What if I can't reach it? What if I can't touch it? Oh so many 'what ifs'....

Anya, you can do it.
Go for it. Nothing can stop you now.
Don't stop.
You can take it.
You must take it.
You will take it.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Half of a Yellow Sun

I just finished reading Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's marvelous novel entitled above. I absolutely loved it. I would recommend that anyone who hasn't read it, should take a break & get their read on!!

There is a spoiler link that glorifies the book, I have posted below. It is a wonderful work of art and I cannot overemphasize the magnimity of this work as it tells the story of Biafra in a great way.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

My Voice, I hear it

People often tell me that I have a distinguished voice, in the tone, the appeal; "it's low & husky", then when I'm really excited or just plain elated, "it gets high & squeaky".
Have you ever tape-recorded your voice and then played it over to hear what you sound like? Or in this age I should ask, have you ever left yourself or someone else a voice message then played it over to hear yourself? I do this often enough and on one of those days, I didn't just like what I sounded like anymore. I literally hated the tone of my own voice when I wrote this.

The sound from my lungs :||:
Squeaky? No - brash!
:||: I hear you, but I do not know you.
Ages of trial hath not changed thee :||:
Even displacement, yet; I still do not know you.
When will you become?
To take up the shimmering glow of something divine - like resurrection.
When will you become me? Embodied in all I represent, yet weakened by the sound from my lungs.
I do not hate you. I feel only a passionate dislike today.

Oh and then another thing; my accent. ha! that one is another enigma. Most people tell me I have no accent; that it's not quite Canadian or strictly American or British or even Nigerian. { see me, see wahala!}. I like to think that my accent is a convoluted compossibility that personifies all that is me, all that is Anya!!!

Monday, February 4, 2008

Memoirs of a Young Heart

I wrote this when I was sure I was done with X-boy. But then (Tei forgive me...) I relapsed. I love myself immensely but does this mean that I didn't loved me enough to get rid of that old crap? These questions hunt me.

I enjoyed some of my time spent with you.
Sometimes I felt incredibly fulfilled; I wished the moments would last forever.
But then I wasn't really happy with you, or at least the happiness was always short-lived.
I would want to remain in the space and time where my heart skipped beats
But you would never remain with me.
I don't think you were really happy with me either.
It was a heart-song that wasn't meant to be sung
It was a plea to forget reality and relish in your arms.
But I could only forget for a time.

I watched you kiss her - right before my very eyes
And I was to pretend that I didn't want to scream
Like, I didn't want to vomit & spill my insides.
Let the whole world see what has become of me, become of us.
But "we" never really were
It was only a facade of my imagination.
An image I begged to manifest into reality

I watched you kiss her
With those same lips you used to kiss me
With those same lips, I knew you would kiss me later.
I wonder why I went to your house that night
What was I trying to prove, what was I trying to realise?
That maybe the shock of seeing you two would blast me back to reality {common sense}.
To the realization that we would never be.
We were not meant to - coexist
In that space, that time, together. Never.
So I chested the pain...Ode eshi
Like I was some kinda of ride-or-die chic.
Nah...that's not me.
It has never been me...
I have never been that numb-everything-I-can't-feel-a-thing babe
And that is why I was never happy.
I would never truly purged of my emotions.
Those emotions you knew were real.

But that is the price I pay for living in denial
I lied to myself that I was numb...
When the truth is that I am like a magnified sensationalizing entity.
The other end of the spectrum of numbness...
I feel it. I feel you. I felt everything.
Time and Time again, I would remember the love {life} I envisioned for myself
And I try to force the idea of you into that picture.
I tried so hard to convince myself that you were not ready for it.
That maybe I should give you a little more time.

But in the words of Keyshia Cole, "you need to leave if he don't wanna love you the right way..."
I should've left earlier
I could've left in September 2005.
I could've left you in January 2006
I could've left you in March 2006
But then I got hooked on you in May 2006.
No that wasn't enough for me...I had to go ahead & plunge myself deeper.
Deeper than I've ever known before...and then I was finished.
I became V-V--uuu-ll-ner-able.
I let myself get weak - you loved that. Made you feel like a man,
Ego-stroking; you were floating on cloud 9
While I was sinking deeper and deeper beneath the depths

Monday, January 28, 2008

Idle thoughts...

I was sitting here just minding my own business
When he came up to me...
He sauntered over; his swagger, his style grabbed my attention
I was - eh,
...knocked off my feet.
My feet.....oouuh
My feet began to grow warm

Famous Words by Famous People

- Set goals. The 1st step is clearly defining what it is you're after, because without knowing that you'll never get it.

- Believe in your ability. Be unwavering and relentless in your approach.

- Go about it with integrity. You have to speak the truth and mean what you say, but be very mindful and respectful of other people. Don't step on toes.

- Have humility. Don't take yourself too seriously. Know when to laugh at yourself, and find a way to laugh at the obstacles that inevitably present themselves.

- Be flexible. If you set out to do something and you give it your all and it doesn't work out, be willing to modify your goal slightly. Have the ability to look in another direction. A small shift could guide you to the real purpose of your life.

- Halle Berry (Cosmopolitan, December 2002).

Friday, January 25, 2008

Famous Words by Famous People

Compromise is a bitch.

Because once you get stuck, it becomes very difficult to untangle yourself from that type of situation. Once you become the voice of the Corporate you become a different creature.

Alot of men & women struggle with the identity crisis that takes place with black people in America, basically black people in the western world. It is not just about "who am I?" but how to be "what I am" in that particular western paradigm and still remain true to yourself. They need courage & protection & the people to defend them in doing what they would instinctively do, if they felt safe enough to do.

- Lauryn Hill

Saturday, January 5, 2008

I Dream of Clutches and Things

Mama, I'm a Millionaire but I feel like a bum...
Mama, I'm a Millionaire but I feel like the only one
I woke up early this morning
I don't think you all heard me
I said I woke up early this morning
but I still ain't seen the sun
- Andre 3000

The Golden Girl in 'Dresses & Metallics'

I envision 2008 to be even more splendid than 2007. I hope to be caught wearing at least one of these items in the heat of passion sometime during the course of this year, it's going to be sensational.