Monday, November 10, 2008

The Perfect Love



Nothing is perfect {except God}
But I wanted us to be perfect.

Last night, he said "Anya, I love you".

I've waited so long to hear those words.

But now that he has said them I am in tears.

Tears of relief and tears of confusion.

What does this mean for us, how long has he known that he loved me? why didn't he say it earlier?

I told him I loved him ages ago....I always knew it. Telling him made me vulnerable. So I always felt like I got the short end of the stick in our relationship. Now, we are both vulnerable. Where do we go from here?

He thinks I need someone better than him. Why does everyone keep saying that?! Can't I freely choose to love whomever I want? What exactly is wrong with him (or his past) that makes him think we can't be perfect? I have the right to love him...

I know we've had a dramatic history and so many things have been said (or left unsaid). But the future can be better. We can create something perfect.

I am both dazed and confused. I want to believe in this power of love (...young love while our spirits thrive), but I don't want to regret my decision 5-10 years from now, heck - in 20 years I want to still believe in this same power of love (...young love while our spirits are thriving).

He says that he wants me to be happy however I can. I say in my mind "I want to be happy with you".

But no matter how much I plead, there is no answer in my mind's eye. I've asked God several times for direction, for intervention, for anything. I need a sign. So far, nothing spectacular has crossed my mind's eye. I'm still waiting...

I want us to be perfect (whether we remain together or not...)


Teary-eyed,

Anya.......x

20 comments:

MissLove said...

1st i hope!!!!!

MissLove said...

WHOO HOO WELCOME BACK! BACK TO READ ZE POST :) LOL CANT BELIEVE IM 1ST! LOL *like theres some trophy* *bows*

MissLove said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MissLove said...

Baby i swear its dejavu :(

''What does this mean for us, how long has he known that he loved me? why didn't he say it earlier?''

I said those words in May..I wanted to hear those three words badly and he said it to me the night before my exams..I COULD NOT READ ANYMORE...felt exactly the same way u feel now...I hope it goes well for u girl..we all deserve love.

dat one okrika girl...xyz said...

"I told him I loved him ages ago....I always knew it. Telling him made me vulnerable. So I always felt like I got the short end of the stick in our relationship."----God I've been there, I felt silly after i said it too cuz he didnt say it back, when he finally did i was happy but confused, why did it take him so long.

Tales said...

i wrote a long comment, damn blogger!aagh

anyways, jst take it easy darlin. since he said in his own time, its because he meant it not because you pushed him.

my advise for you is to just love in the moment, without regrets. If you're not sure of your future together, at least be sure of now and make the best of it. If he's still with you, then its a good sign. Relax and let fate take its course

sry for the long comment... hehe:)

xoxo

http://talesandtallies.wordpress.com

bumight said...

saying "I love you" to someone esp when they dont say it back might make one feel vulnerable, but i feel you should feel free and relieved instead....I know, better said than done.
Love for the moment, so u dont regret it later!

AlooFar said...

I'm happy for you. Just have fun.

All the best. Nice picture.

Tininu said...

just making my rounds of apologies and saying i am back...didnt even know you were back...my bad

Buttercup said...

Awww..

Yes, we r free to love whomever we choose..but maybe u shudnt take what hes sayin lightly, that u deserve someone better, i mean..as hard as that might be..

Good luck n take care!

1st time here!

Lady Koko said...

WOOOOOOOW!!!!!!! *nostalgic*
*memories*...ISNT IT FUNNY HOW BY RELATING TO SUMONE ELSE'S PRESENT....YOU RELIVE YOUR PAST.....
you love him...he loves you=WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO ROUND?

p.s:xoxo

NigerianDramaQueen said...

Hey babes. your friend doesnt need a visa if she has both passports. I usually use both of my passports when im travelling to 9ja and back...

NigerianDramaQueen said...

will be back to read this post!

Jarrai said...

Awwww babes it'll work out...love overcomes all things

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

my sista, take it easy. Everything gets better with time. Sounds like a cliche but it is true.

NigerianDramaQueen said...

It takes a lot to be vulnerable...but hey to quote Kanye "keep your love lockdown...you lose". lol. Just go with the flow, dont stress over things or expect them 2 b perfect cuz they wont be. Glad you updated-finally! Also glad you are loving love.
xxxx

THE HOUSE OF STYLE said...

what a lovely post dear. so beautiful my dear.trusting in love is not easy but hope you get that perfect love,
muah!Marian

Writefreak said...

The love dilemma...i pray it's well resolved in the end and you get to love and be loved in return!

Take care!

guerreiranigeriana said...

...wow...i may not be qualified to say anything here...good luck love...

ibiluv said...

awwwwwwwww

this is cute!!!!!!!