Friday, March 27, 2009


First off, I was awarded the 'Honest Scrap' honour by Parakeet. Who has bestowed upon me the priviledge to air out my dirty laundry - for the whole world to know the kind of dirty secrets I keep in my closet. I will try to be as brief as possible, even though many of these tales require very long narratives. I feel very honoured by this opportunity...blah blah blah (I'm supposed to brag about the award...see how modest I am being?)

Rules about this award:
1.You must brag about it
2.You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger
3.You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. Or improvise by including bloggers who have no idea who you are because you don’t have seven friends (lol).
4.Show the seven random victims’ names and links and leave a harassing comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog. Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.
5.List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself. Then pass it on!

1) I fantasize about being with a white boy. I find some white men so attractive and imagine what it'll fill like running my hand through their hair. I like blonde guys with wavy hair. I especially like the blonde-hazel eyes combo. It's sad because when I was 'seeing' this one white guy, I felt no physical attraction towards him whatsoever. He was fun to talk to & we hung out A LOT but there just wasn't anything there. Oh well, there goes my 1st confession.
2) I have only been to 1 country in Africa (Nigeria), yet some people refer to me as 'The Africa Expert'. I take the compliment most times but I usually wonder, like seriously people, read a book, surf the web, or read the news sometime & maybe you'll learn a thing or two about Africa. And the strangest thing about this label is that it has come from fellow Nigerians! Like, are you kidding me? you don't know where Central African Republic is? No? Ok, how about looking at the friggin centre of the map, eh?! LOL. Anyway...Africa is a big place, I didn't expect you to know that Egypt wasn't in central africa!
3) I can't speak french to save my life, but I can pretend to know what you're saying if you speak to me in french. Ask me how I do it? I have no clue. I guess I've just been lucky and it wasn't a matter of life & death. For example, if I was in a situation where my Father was being auctioned at a market - I'd be there sheepishly nodding and saying "qui qui, incroyable!" I wouldn't have any clue that they were selling my Daddy.

4) My mind often wanders when people are talking to me. It's not like I do it on purpose or that they're talking nonsense. It's just...well, frankly I have no interest in what they're saying. If I am that bored to the point that while you speak to me I zone out; then you must be saying something really boring. I pride myself in being an attentive listener but for real, please help me out too! Talk about something less drone-like. Like how you saw a man with a blue shirt by the bus stop and how you kept thinking the shirt reminded you of your neighbour who lived across from your apt. 2 years ago. Umm...I don't f**king care! If you wanted the shirt so badly why didn't you rip it off his chest?? Oh, you didn't want the shirt? Ok. You saw your old neighbour at the mall? Oh ok. So why didn't you just say that in the 1st place rather than giving me a play-by-play of minutia. Urrggghhh!!!!
5) I am secretly digusted with wild raunchy sex. Yes, you heard me right. I don't like the idea of someone raining beads of sweat down on me. I think it's yucky & animalistic. I will not tolerate your sweat on my face. No! I don't sweat like that so neither should you. Learn to control your sweat glands for pete's sake.
6) I am claustrophobic. If I get on a bus/train that is crowded - I feel slightly tense. There are so many people, so many potential germs! I hold my breath & wait till the feeling subsides.

7) I am a germaphobe {you knew this was coming after that claustrophobia biznizz}. I am a 'Bleach Girl'. I will bleach everything in my house clean from kitchen counters to door handles. There will be no hiding place for germs in my home!
8) I secretly enjoy procastinating but it always comes back to bite me in the ass. I know this truth, but I still do it. Ask me why? I dunno but how dumb is that?! And I'm hear calling sweaty raunchy sex animalistic.

9) This meme is taking too long to complete.

10) I think I'm the sh!t 4real. Boys wanna do me, girls wanna be me, everybody loves me! Haha, who am I kidding, I'm that bitch. That bitch you hate on, that bitch your man will fall in love with, that bitch who you always knew YOU would become. LOL...I kid, I kid. I'm that girl your mom encouraged you to befriend, because she got As & had a clean reputation. But the real question is: who am I? that's the secret I'll never tell...gossip girl

xo Anya

P.S: I'm supposed to tag 7 other bloggers in this meme, so if you're reading this - consider yourself TAGGED!

P.P.S: I tag
Bastille of Beauty

Sunday, March 22, 2009 subconscious rant

Did you ever take an ink-blot test? I took one a few years ago & it was pretty intense. I discovered that my subconscious is tuned into sexual thoughts of gratification. For example, sometimes when I think about something, it can automatically take on a sexual innuendo. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this tendency. There are a lot of people who think about sexual thoughts like me all the time. We are not that rare...but we are sacred. Yes, I said it...extraordinary people.

I'm really just bored and horny. Haven't got any in about 6 months. Body no be wood. Broke up with the X-Boy, trying to move on to other things, I can't be bothered. Today im fantasizing that i'm going to get some from him. Why? because I can. The p3nis was so good, I would sell my entire shoe collection to own it. And I have a lot of shoes.
You say not a reasonable offer? Ok, I'll sell my laptop too just to get it.
Still not good enough? frig, I'll even sell my roommate for a year's supply of d!ck. Kai and I love my roommate... :(
One thing I won't sell though is my soul. D!ck is not worth my precious soul.

X-Boy has said if I want his penis that badly, then we have to get back together. He says he misses me terribly and that he doesn't think there's anyone out there for him like me. I'm flattered but hell no.
We had too many complications in our history. 1st of all, his randy ass wasn't ready to get serious when I was with him. And I wasn't even asking for a diamond key to unlock my heart. I just wanted us to be in a committed & exclusive relationship. Is that too much to ask? I seriously doubt it.
It was a long-distance situation so he wanted to fuck around, y'know; get as much tail as he could with the ladies. But alas! homeboy has gotten with the program. Now he wants to own my uterus. Fuck that! I'm not about to surrender my vulva to anyone just yet. Just because you've had your fill of fornication doesn't mean i'd be waiting for you to come & rescue me. Why do some guys think that their love is worth a Universe? I mean seriously...i don't want you no more. I'd rather play by myself than think about ever shagging up with you again.

Anyhow...I'm ranting. And like I said, body no be wood. Plus being bored & horny doesn't help either. And I can't shag up with any random...there has to (or have been) some kinda affection there, y'know. I dunno how other people do it but one-night stands are definitely not my thing.
So yes, even after all my ranting I think I'm just going to get it from the X-Boy. yes, you heard me right. I have been d!ckmatized & I liked it.

P.S: I know my first paragraph & picture have absolutely nothing to do with this rant. But I don't care. I digress all the time. Tangents are my thing. Call me Anya-Tangentsia or Tangy-Anya... Anya & her ramblings... rants & raves by her royal highness: Anya Posh IV. Oh shit, i'm doing it again. Urrghh whatev.. have a good weekend, my fellow d!ck lovers!

P.P.S: This post is completely unlike me. I'll probably delete it very soon. I think I was under the influence of Ogbanje/Stress when I wrote this last night. But then I posted it anyway. What is wrong with me? HAHAHAHA!!!

P.P.P.S: And so the post stays up!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Nigerian Pubic Hair

"Same sex marriage, apart from being ungodly, is also unscriptural, unnatural, unprofitable, unhealthy, uncultural, un-African and un-Nigerian," - The Anglican Church of Nigeria.

Yes, I personally believe that although same sex relations are unscriptual and uncultural, they are indeed profitable (if not, why would people do is sex - atleast somebody cums in the end), can be healthy (condoms, dental dams, monogamous partnerships), Africans do it & Nigerians are no exception.

Today, I was reading the news about how the Nigerian Government has bid to outlaw same sex marriages. What is all this fuss about anyway??? You can outlaw it, but people are still going to engage in those relationships.

Personally, I have seen gay men & women in action in Abuja. In Wuse market, I saw 2 igbo-speaking men sitting together holding hands & smiling at each other sheepishly. Then one of them proceeded to sit on the other's lap. If that is not overt gayness, then I dunno what is. Similarly, there are lesbians in Nigeria. Ask any girl who went to one of those all-girls' boarding school & I bet you they would have a lot of stories about girl on girl action. So the issue is no longer about whether there are gay/bisexual people in Nigeria. The underlying tension is why people get so agitated & are trying to criminalise such diabolical taboo relations.

So how do we solve this one? Do you think this is a case where the State is prying too much into the affairs of the Nation's bedrooms? Or is this a case of maintaining Nigerian government's hypocritical stance, that homosexuality does not exist in Nigeria?

I know this issue is insanely controversial, especially in the Nigerian community, but I don't care. Speak to it.

xoxo Anya