I am not a fish. But somehow I still find myself swimming along with the tide {wait a min, do fish swim with the current or against it? beats me...anyway, that is not the point}.
Deep down in the essence of my Self, I am an anarchist. I aspire to the likes of Emma Goldman and Ken Saro-Wiwa. I am in a race against the corporate machine. I cry for freedom! Justice! Equality! I dare for societal reform, a drastic transformation - hmm, I like the sound of revolution...
But am I a farce? For indeed I am a conformist. I want to be well liked so I try not to disrupt the system (too much). I dance to the beat of their drums and then I smile and wave {do it now; smile and wave}. If you ask me why I conform, I will lie to you. I'll tell you this is the only way I can get ahead...you know, beat them at their own game. You have to get in and then work your way through from the inside.
I'll rock my Abercrombie and Fitch outfits with my Fendi sunglasses and I still campaign against the installation of sweatshops at the Maquiladoras in Mexico. I want to be eco-conscious, yet I detest the new Going Green campaigns because I think they are are hoax. Global warming is for kids, let's win this war in Iraq! Why isn't the U.S bombing Mugabe out of office in Zimbabwe? Why aren't they chucking out Kim Jung Il from North Korea?
But the truth is that I am scared. I am scared of violent death, I fear poverty, hunger and starvation. I fear that I may not satisy my high tastes, my luxuries, those comforts. That I may succumb to an impoverished lifestyle. Maybe I am just too spoiled to face reality. I cannot tell.
Recently, I've gotten this constant reaffirment in my spirit that I can do anything. {Literally, a voice in my mind whispers: Anya, you can do it. Go for it. Don't stop. You can accomplish anything. Don't be frightened. Don't be intimidated. You must take it}. But I am so scared. What if I don't get it? What if I can't reach it? What if I can't touch it? Oh so many 'what ifs'....
Anya, you can do it.
Go for it. Nothing can stop you now.
Don't stop.
You can take it.
You must take it.
You will take it.
14 comments:
Go Anya!
Nice post. It relates to everyone in one way or another. We all want to be leaders (atleast i assume we all do) but the truth is some of us have to be followers. I know there are times my ideas get knocked down and later i beat myself up that i shouldnt have given in so easily, that i should have fought for my voice to be heard. Truth be told im no leader, if walking the line makes the day go by faster then im cool.
Yes, you CAN do it Anya! :)
Anya's quote "But am I a farce? For indeed I am a conformist. I want to be well liked so I try not to disrupt the system (too much)."
I'd say dont beat yourself up about that. If anything Freud, the father of psychoanalysis is anything to go by, we look on to others for aproval of ourselves in order to form our identities and this is contolled by the unconcious which you have no power over. So my dear while I share in your passion to want to change the world and DO SOMETHINg! am afraid we're limited to at least our immediate environment. Well written piece though.
hehehehehehehehehehe.......u go girl(lol)
LOL...spoiled brat.
I can relate with ur wanna-make-a-different spirit. Cool.
But it kinda seems u cant handle it cuz of all the luxury u love. wouldnt that distract u? unless u dont really mean wot u say
But hey, If you've got the willpower, you can DO ANYTHING!
Try reading the book Im currently reading. its called "The Power of concentration" by T.Q.Dumont
It'll help u real good.
*anyaposh*
*you can do it*
don't lose sight of that fact....
Ok, for a second there, I almost didn't recognize your blog. Quite nice..I like this new look.
I feel you on this post. But we must learn to step out and take risks. I'd rather try and fail, than never try at all...cause I'll never know what could have been... yeah?
How you dey? Missed you. Take it easy at school, and go slow with X-boy. Don't wanna hear no tragic stories.
xxx
nice one gal.
go gurl, do it!
Love the template
Share your secret o
thanks 4 stopping by mine
But am I a farce?
Awwww I know the feeling babes, we all do but what can we do…
On our own we cannot even influence ourselves not to talk of the society…
But you can do it girl....its a state of mind...
muahhh
2 dat 1 okrika gurl: I know the feeling, but hun we cannot just keep letting those ideas get beat down. We need to do whatever it takes to keep fighting sometimes. Other times we must just go with the flow.
2 jaycee: If I believe, I can achieve!! Thanks.
2 ollay: did freud say anything about forming imagined identities? sometimes I wonder if the approval we get actually informs us on reality. If my subconscious cannot rely on itself to kick start this revolution and is waiting for approval, I go die dey wait!
2 onome: thanks hun! but don't laugh o...I will do this thing!
2 lolu kush: Oh I definitely mean what I say. Facing reality is really hard, but I know that what will happen must happen. & that is regardless of whatever luxuries I may try to hold on to. When the time is right...I will let loose!
2 tobenna: thank you. I will try to keep focused.
2 naija chickito: I wanted to spice things up a bit! ;) And I see you updated, I missed you too! I just updated a lil something on x-boy, there's so much going on. I'll keep you posted.
2 soupasexy: thanks sweetie, I must do it!
2 afrobabe: this state of mind is really depressing. There are too many roadblocks...so many hindrances, but I hope for the best still. thanks for the vote of confidence.
wow...this post spoke to me...i struggle with this constantly...on a daily basis...finding excuses for why i'll spend a couple hundred on one pair of jeans yet hating that the child who made them probably makes 5 cents a day...
...but, listen to that little voice...be creative too...stay inspired...you'll reconcile the contradictions...you must and you will do it!!...remember that there are others like you out there grappling with the same thing...we are arriving...
u know, i keep wondering what my stand will be if there's a revolution in Nigeria now!
i hate the way things are, but it seems i'm so powerless to do anything about it. or maybe just too cowardly.
in short, u are not alone chica.
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