Stuck in Limbo (and a fun meme)

I answered a meme & saved the draft since October last year. So here I am  cleaning out the B.S from my life (& this blog: stupid chinese spam). I found this picture  & It's appropriate for the way I feel today - like complete crap! 

But I'm supposed to trust God to work things out with my ex. It's been almost 2 years since we've been in this limbo. I'm tired. It's so draining. Or maybe I'm just getting my period & my hormones are playing crazy tricks on me. I'm not sure.

Or how do you see it? am I being S E L F I S H for wanting him?

 

 

....and the Meme:

1. What is your name: Anya

2. A four Letter Word: Anus


3. A boy's Name: Abel

4. A girl's Name: Ariel

5. An occupation: Artist
6. A color: Auburn

7. Something you'll wear: Anklets

9. A food: Amala

10. Something found in the bathroom: Arm & Hammer toothpaste.

11. A place: Anaheim

12. A reason for being late: Arsenal lost the game!!
13. Something you'd shout: Ass-face!

14. A movie title: Astronaut's Wife

15. Something you drink: Apple juice

16. A musical group: Abba

17. An animal: Antelope

18. A street name: Ajax 

19. A type of car: Audi

My words cannot explain...

...so I'll let Christina do the singing talking for me. Generally, I've been feeling like crap recently. I'm struggling with rapid weight gain and feeling too lazy to exercise.  Just for the record, when I started this blog 2 years ago. I weighed approximately 120lbs. Tonight I climbed the scale and I weighed in at a whopping 150lbs!! WTF?!

It's completely unfair, unreal, f**king retarded! I mean...What the heck happened in 2 years? Well, I got my 2nd degree, finally broke up with my on-again/off-again boyfriend of 3 years, started doing serious things like volunteering in the community, and what do I get for all my hard work - 30 extra pounds of fat.

My mom is extremely funny. She doesn't get it. The other day she commented on 'how I'm finally growing into my body'.... "your real body is really coming out now". What the heck is that supposed to mean anyway?! Then I get all these weird aunts and uncles alluding to the fact that I look so "mature" (read: fat) and ready for marriage. (Me: HELL NO!!!). I don't understand any of this. It's funny because none of my family is telling me to lose weight, they're all just sitting back and watching me 'blossom'.

I'm so bored when  people say, "You weigh I50lbs? Oh wow...you don't look it at all....everything is so proportional...blah blah". They're just giving me positive reinforcement to keep avoiding the gym. So far my rationale has been that 'If I don't look that bad, it's not that serious'. I AM SO WRONG!

There are other things like high cholesterol, diabetes, and clogged arteries which will never be seen through cute summer frocks or playful peep-toe sandals or flawless face or perfect hair. Fashion cannot cure Heart Disease!

And that was my midnight rant. I'll just go to bed now & sob to Christina here. Tomorrow, I'll grab my running shoes and hit the gym. Enough is Enough. F M L. Obesity is a Sin. Father, forgive me for I am the baddest sinner.