Friday, February 26, 2010

The Woman & Wife

I feel a strong sense of push-pull tension about the idea of marriage. As a woman, I look forward to it but quite frankly, I'm also very scared about being married. On the one hand, I imagine the experience of wonderful marital bliss with a Significant Other; a lifetime of togetherness; intimacy; bonding;  raw sex; raising a family; walking the life path... And on the other, inevitable disappointments; heartbreak; dependence; raising a family; walking the life path... Basically, almost the same things which pull me toward the idea, push me away from it!

The Greeks' basically proprietary attitude towards women is well illustrated by the following statement from Demosthenes' account of the lawsuit, Against Naera:

For this is what living with a woman as one's wife means - to have children by her and to introduce the sons to the members of the clan and of the deme, and to betroth the daughters to husbands as one's own. Mistresses we keep for the sake of pleasure, concubines for the daily care of our persons, but wives to bear us legitimate children and to be faithful guardians of our households.

Since the time of the ancient Greeks, what has really changed in our modern society? These days, people rave about how women have achieved equality & liberty; yet many wives are still simply being relegated to the background as 'bearers of legitimate children'.

When I think about the relationship between husbands and wives, I imagine a union where individuals are day-to-day companions, of emotional & intellectual intimates. But obviously, this has not always been the case with traditional roles for men and women in matrimony.

When you think about marriage, how would you describe the role & relationship of the woman & wife to her man & husband?



~Sirius~ said...

Lets see....Companion, helper, friend, lover.

And it can be achieved, as long as both parties want it and work towards it

Not a legimate chid bearer!


Myne Whitman said...

I hiss with Sirius.

AP, yeah a lot of people cling on to traditional roles especially the men but even some women. I hear some say, as far as the mistresses and concubines are not under your nose. I say BS.

I am married. When I accepted the engagement ring and when I said I do, I had a dream. Of partnership, companionship and love. I can say now that it is possible if you both agree to it.

I have a show with Vera and my SO tomorrow, Why should I get married? Hope you'll be listening. Also, if I may. Could I use your opening paragraph for my promo? Thanks.

leggy said...

i think its a personal in it depends on the man you marry.not everyone thinks like that.

Anyaposh said...

Sirius and Myne W., I'm there with you. It's a partnership in my view; it may not necessarily be 50-50. It may be 60-40 or 70-30. But there must be acceptance, love & companionship.

Myne W., yes; go ahead & use the intro paragraph.

leggy, that is true. people choose to tolerate all kinds of things.

Nice Anon said...

My aunt said to me today " marriage isn't the best thing to happen to a woman but I want you to marry all the same!" See me see confusion oo!

Marriage dey scare me these days because apparently what we all think it is.. isn't actually the case when push comes to shove.

Lady X said...

Marriage scares me. Especially when I think about being faithful to one guy for years and years and one day he will either decide to marry another woman or cheat on me when I have done neither! I would just walk out. I've told my sisters to make sure they drag me out of the house if they have to just in case I have lost traces of my sanity and I say I'll stay.

Anonymous said...

far from eye, far from heart...................................................

Sherri said...

Marriage can be beautiful with the right person and if married for the right reason.
i can def say, marriage is very conflicting for the independent female.

how are u?

Anyaposh said...

nice anon, right there with you babes; fear of the unexpected!

lady x, so true. I fear that i will become complacent & start putting up with bullshit because I will be "doing it for the kids"! may I never lose my mind because of marital woes!

sherri, i'm ok jare, thanks for checking up on me. everyday i think about the reasons why I would ever get married; i'm afraid they may all be the wrong reasons :(

Rita said...

Your ice cream pictures were making me not concentrate :-)

The wonderful marital bliss you imagine is possible, but it comes with effort on BOTH parties.

Before I got married, I was discouraged seeing alot of "wrong" things going on. But when I saw that there were still good ones with right values and the women treated right, I said marriage is worth a try...

BiMbyLaDs** said...

It is great, like all of God's creations, if only women would submit to thier husbands and if men would LOVE thier wives. But nowadays, the roles are reversed and women are the ones loving and husbands are well... lol.. husbands?!

I am happily married, by God's grace, and it takes hardwork and a deep commitment to make it work.

Anonymous said...

well it doesn't have to be like that.
If you are both clear about your roles then you will be fine....I cannot imagine being just a childbearer, or even a second in command to my guy. I am a complex human being and cannot be relegated to a singular role.
On the other hand, I maintain, Divorce is your friend!

FFF said...

lol @ men . . . they sure aint submitting, no mind wetin dem dey show 4 TV - a henpecked man is so unattractive & it don't happen like dat in d real world.

my dear, no need to worry ur pretty head abt d many & differing views of marriage out there. Find ur own definition, try to make it fair on u as well as ur partner, den stick to it while looking 4 d man who has same as his personal views too. B4 i got married, someone advised me to write out 10 attributes i DEFINITELY wanted in a spouse. These r attributes i couldn't compromise on. I wrote them dem, prayed with them, & wen i met my husband, he passed 9 out of 10 (dat was good enough 4 me).