Excerpts from Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

{Background Info to this excerpt: He calls her Groceries and he is Richard from Texas, whom she met at the Ashram in India}

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“But I really loved him.”

“Big deal. So you fell in love with someone. Don’t you see what happened? This guy touched a place in your heart deeper than you thought you were capable of reaching, I mean you got zapped, kiddo. But that love you felt, that’s just the beginning. You just got a taste of love. That’s just limited little rinky-dink mortal love. Wait till you see how much more deeply you can love than that. Heck, Groceries – you have the capacity to someday love the whole world. It’s your destiny. Don’t laugh.”

“I’m not laughing.” I was actually crying. “And please don’t laugh at me now, but I think the reason it’s so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate.”

“He probably was. Your problem is you don’t understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can’t let this one go. It’s over, Groceries. David’s purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it.”

“….You’re like a dog at the dump, baby – you’re lickin’ at an empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you’re not careful, that can’s gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it.”

“If you clear out all that space in your mind that you’re using right now to obsess about this guy, you’ll have a vacuum there, an open spot – a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with that doorway? It will rush in – God will rush in – and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go.”

[Excerpts from Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert]

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This section of the book pretty much sums up the way I am feeling now that I am technically back with X-boy. It's not exhilirating being back with him but it feels good. Lemme find the words - umm....comfortably familiar, warm, reminiscent of a former ideal. I'm really not sure what will happen tomorrow, or the day after but I am enjoying every minute of it now.

Blossom Me, Spring!

I know I've been MIA around blogville for some time now. I decided to take a break from virtual reality to face my tangible reality. A lot has happened since my last post, but I'll make an entry about that later. Meanwhile, I've been doing spring cleaning around my house since last week and it's been so tiring but I'm almost done. I just unearthed a few notes I made while I was reading Mitch Albom's Tuesdays with Morrie a few years ago. And I would love to share them with you. Here are a few excerpts from the book which touched my spirit and are still applicable to my heart:


Maybe Death is the great equalizer. "The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, & to let it come in". Levine: "Love is the only rational act".

"I give myself a good cry if I need it. But then I concentrate on all the good things still in my life".

"Not everyone is so lucky" - this apparently is the "coldest realization".

On the issue of preparing to die, Albom remarks: "...the culture doesn't encourage you to think about such things until you're about to die. We're so wrapped up with egotistical things; career, family, having enough money, meeting the mortgage, getting a new car, fixing the radiator when it breaks - we're involved in trillions of little acts just to keep going. So we don't get into the habit of standing back and looking at our lives and saying, Is this all? Is this all I want? Is something missing?"

"Everyone knows that they're going to die but nobody believes it, if we did, we would do things differently."

"Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live"

"...if you accept that you can die at any time - then you might not be as ambitious as you are".

"The fact is, there is no foundation, no secure ground, upon which people may stand today if it isn't the family".

Auden: "Love each other or Perish"

On 'detaching myself from the experience' - "don't cling to things, cause everything is impermanent".

"But detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let the experience penetrate you fully. That's how you're able to leave it".

"You're afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails"

"Devote yourself to loving others, devoted yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning".

This was a smokescreen - "my greed inconsequential compared to theirs" (other people).

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What will you be reading this Spring? I plan to finish Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love by next week and then finally finish The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. Those are wonderful books you can get cozy with on these rainy spring nights!

xo Anya

Teardrops like Raindrops

I wrote this in June 2005 when I was still wild and weary about X-boy. These days I am just weary. 
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When I'm mad, it's usually something about blaming you. Somehow you're the reason I haven't smiled in a while. If I've had a bad day, and it got me down. I come home & shut myself in. I try to open up to you but my Self won't let me. I'm stuck in my ways.

When I'm mad, I want to take off all my clothes, sit on the floor and weep. I want to wallow in self-pity just for a little while. I want to scream but I stifle any sounds but tiny whimpers still escape when I sob. I want to remind myself that I am friggin' gorgeous. Anya is more than that. She doesn't need you to be anything for her. She is enough for herself.

But I am not enough.

Fast-forward to December 2007:

I envision a time when I was happier. I envision, I don't remember it. Sometimes, I want you to act a certain way, be a certain way, fulfill my desires. Call me more often, like at midnight to tell me "baby, i was just thinking about you, I miss you"; even if you saw me barely 20mins ago. But you don't. I want it go to back to the time when I didn't care so much about you. When you were only a fleeting thought. But now, you have become something more. I wish I didn't worry so much about you or us or when or how things will turn out. I wish I was just living my life without these after-thoughts. I don't know why I'm doing this to myself. You're hurting me but I can't get away.

Go with the Flow

I am not a fish. But somehow I still find myself swimming along with the tide {wait a min, do fish swim with the current or against it? beats me...anyway, that is not the point}.

Deep down in the essence of my Self, I am an anarchist. I aspire to the likes of Emma Goldman and Ken Saro-Wiwa. I am in a race against the corporate machine. I cry for freedom! Justice! Equality! I dare for societal reform, a drastic transformation - hmm, I like the sound of revolution...

But am I a farce? For indeed I am a conformist. I want to be well liked so I try not to disrupt the system (too much). I dance to the beat of their drums and then I smile and wave {do it now; smile and wave}. If you ask me why I conform, I will lie to you. I'll tell you this is the only way I can get ahead...you know, beat them at their own game. You have to get in and then work your way through from the inside.

I'll rock my Abercrombie and Fitch outfits with my Fendi sunglasses and I still campaign against the installation of sweatshops at the Maquiladoras in Mexico. I want to be eco-conscious, yet I detest the new Going Green campaigns because I think they are are hoax. Global warming is for kids, let's win this war in Iraq! Why isn't the U.S bombing Mugabe out of office in Zimbabwe? Why aren't they chucking out Kim Jung Il from North Korea?

But the truth is that I am scared. I am scared of violent death, I fear poverty, hunger and starvation. I fear that I may not satisy my high tastes, my luxuries, those comforts. That I may succumb to an impoverished lifestyle. Maybe I am just too spoiled to face reality. I cannot tell.


Recently, I've gotten this constant reaffirment in my spirit that I can do anything. {Literally, a voice in my mind whispers: Anya, you can do it. Go for it. Don't stop. You can accomplish anything. Don't be frightened. Don't be intimidated. You must take it}. But I am so scared. What if I don't get it? What if I can't reach it? What if I can't touch it? Oh so many 'what ifs'....


Anya, you can do it.
Go for it. Nothing can stop you now.
Don't stop.
You can take it.
You must take it.
You will take it.

Half of a Yellow Sun

I just finished reading Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's marvelous novel entitled above. I absolutely loved it. I would recommend that anyone who hasn't read it, should take a break & get their read on!!

There is a spoiler link that glorifies the book, I have posted below. It is a wonderful work of art and I cannot overemphasize the magnimity of this work as it tells the story of Biafra in a great way.
http://www.halfofayellowsun.com/content.php?page=author_gallery&n=1&f=2